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Reports: The Irish Language Banned Once Again

At least one Internet report says that the Irish ministerial representative for European integration has said that Irish (Gaelic) has again been made illegal in Ireland.

Crowds grow outside Dublin's histroical General Post Office (GPO), which was ironically a focal point of the Easter Rising in 1916, whic is being celebrated this Easter Monday, April 01 2013.
Crowds grow outside Dublin’s historical General Post Office (GPO), which was ironically a focal point of the Easter Rising in 1916, which is being celebrated this Easter Monday, April 01 2013.

In his statement, the ministerial representative reportedly said: “This day, April 01 2013, will go down in the history books as the day where Ireland is truly free of the shackles of the past.”

“The Irish language shamefully costing Ireland millions”

“Our country has been held back by that language. We waste schooling resources teaching it to all children. We waste government resources providing laughable languages to Irish speakers.”

“What’s more, TG4 television is costing millions. This shameful trend must end. We are returning to the 1600’s law that the Irish language may no longer be spoken in private or in public in Ireland. It will be banned from these shores.”

The Irish police force, An Garda Síochána, is said to be in for a name change to "The Gaurds", as their name has been seemingly banned.
The Irish police force, An Garda Síochána, is said to be in for a name change to “The Gaurds”, as their name has been seemingly banned. These Gardaí — sorry, Gaurds –, were seen on Dublin’s O’Connell Street as part of the Easter Rising 1916 events. They were on full alert to ensure only English be spoken on the streets of Dublin.

The ministerial representative refused an interview with the now redundant Raidió na Gaeltachta.

These dogs will probably face repercusions if the wúf instead of woof, following the reports.
These dogs will probably face repercussions if they wúf instead of woof, following the reports.

Statement this April timed to mark Easter Rising

The shocking statement came just as Easter Rising 1916 commemorations where taking place across Ireland.

The Easter Rising was, ironically, Ireland’s big move towards eventual independence.

The Great Famine memorial, on Dublin's docks. It's been reportedly said that modern Ireland
The Great Famine memorial, on Dublin’s docks.

Services for learning Irish language accept modern reality

“We saw this coming”, said Eoin, the founder of Bitesize Irish Gaelic. “We have been fighting the crusade of teaching Irish, and may now need to flee to England to continue our service.

It's unclear whether Gaeltacht (Irish-speaking) areas in the west of Ireland will need to be dismantled following Ireland's English-only policies.
It’s unclear whether Gaeltacht (Irish-speaking) areas in the west of Ireland will need to “Géill Slí” (Yield) and be dismantled following Ireland’s English-only policies. One thing’s for sure, Dingle may never be known as Daingean Uí Chúis again.

“It was becoming clear that Ireland was out-growing its need to have a rural local language which seems to have no longer a place in modern Ireland. With this apparent new policy, people interested in Irish may have no choice but to learn Irish online.”

Ticket for Ireland's leading ferry company are said to be in brisk demand, especially with Gaeltacht citizens whose futures remain unclear in Ireland.
Tickets for Ireland’s leading ferry company are said to be in brisk demand, especially with Gaeltacht citizens whose futures remain unclear in Ireland.

The future of Irish Gaelic? Let’s look to Berlin

Only time will tell whether the Germanic-led expansion across Europe, known as the European Union, will give support to English or Irish. Analysts observe that English — Earth’s strongest and most beautiful Germanic language — give opportunities for a more efficiently-run union.

Eoin, of Bitesize Irish Gaelic, finally noted: “We now realize how we were only creating a less efficient world by promoting smaller languages. The Irish government’s stated policy must be for the best.”

He also noted: “If you enjoyed this April Fool’s, please retweet it, or like it on Facebook.”

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34 thoughts on “Reports: The Irish Language Banned Once Again”

  1. It is unconscionable for the Irish government to ban the use of Irish in public. This smacks of the way the indigenous people of North America had their children ripped away from them and put into schools to force the Indian out of them. I hope there is an uprising to demand that Irish be brought back and placed into the public sphere once again.

  2. I’m just a plain ole American and I was horrified! It’s ‘22 now, and, if you know any of the news about America you’ll know how absolutely terrifying this was to read. I’m really glad it was a joke. I found this because an online Irish friend and I were goofing and fada came up. I had to have the definition. Happy April Fools in ’23. Plain Ole American

  3. I like many were dupped, and infuriated. I am just starting to learn Irish, and the thought of this banning, happening again was unbearable to me. I was ready to get petitions signed – contributions from the American Irish community and the whole deal. So happy it is not real.

  4. Kathleen Horton

    My sister, Padraigin, and I (Caitlin) were outraged and crushed when we started reading your brilliant report on banishing the Irish language. Phew, were we relieved when it dawned on us that it was April 1st. You ‘lil scorpion, Eoin.

  5. Thanks to everyone for their lighthearted response to this April Fool’s prank. Glad we got some hearts beating 😉